Don’t ask yourself this question…

…if you’re not open to radical change.

Here’s a provocative question that might get you to profoundly reassess how you show up in your romantic relationships:

How am I contributing to what is not working in my love life?

It’s so easy to blame your partner for whatever is ailing the relationship. But maybe start by looking inward? What kind of expectations and ancient patterns are you bringing to the table that might be producing the very dynamics you say you don’t want?

Make no mistake—this is not about blaming the victim. If you’re in an abusive relationship, this question is not for you. In fact, the woman who taught me this technique, Jillian Turecki, is herself a survivor of abuse.

Now, though, she’s a relationship therapist who argues that if you want to fix your relationships, the first move is to figure out how you’re getting in your own way.

You might not like what you find, but that’s okay. As Turecki says, “These are not questions for people who don’t want to change.”

Jillian Turecki is on my podcast today, where she lays out her nine strategies for upleveling your love life. Click to listen or watch.

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Episode cheatsheet

The big takeaway

Relationship coach Jillian Turecki shares her nine hard truths about romantic relationships, emphasizing the importance of self-reflection, accountability, and personal growth. She argues that successful relationships begin with understanding yourself, differentiating between lust and love, and addressing unresolved issues with your parents.

9 hard truths for romantic relationship success