How contemplating reincarnation can upgrade your life

Get over your selves

One of my favorite things about the Buddha is that he’s a dude skeptics can get behind.

Sure, he talked about lots of far-out stuff such as enlightenment, multiple realms of existence, and superpowers. But he very clearly told his followers not to take anything he said at face value. Instead, he told them: come see for yourself. In other words, to test his claims in the laboratory of your own mind.

One of the many Buddhist assertions that I have puzzled over for years is rebirth. It’s always shocking to me when teachers I respect—people who have had a profound influence on my life—say they not only believe that reincarnation is real, but that they’ve had glimpses in their own meditation practice.

What’s a skeptic to do with this kind of thing?

Welp… you don’t have to believe in reincarnation in order to merely contemplate the possibility with a partially open mind. To experiment with what the writer Samuel Taylor Coleridge called “the willing suspension of disbelief.”

With this half-opened mind, you can consider that this life of yours is just the latest instantiation of multiple lives, dating back to beginningless time. And maybe this can help you to view yourself as a tiny blip in a vast expanse. To cling less tightly to your identity, your opinions, your possessions. Not in a nihilistic way; in a realistic way. It’s a bolus of perspective.

On the pod today, I interviewed Beth Upton, a highly trained former Buddhist nun who claims she has glimpsed her own past lives in deep meditation.

For her, these experiences helped her to see that all that has been—and all that ever will be—is simply the arising and passing of mental and material phenomena. Every experience is conditioned on an incalculable immensity of prior conditions.

“There's no ‘me’ and there's no ‘mine’ in the center of this,” she told me. “It's all just a momentary, causal process. And that gives rise to a great unburdening.”

So how do you get in on this great unburdening without selling all your possessions and moving to a cave? Here’s how to experiment with Beth’s ideas in the laboratory of your own life:

• Look for the causal chain. When you're triggered, pause and ask: What conditions might have led to this reaction? Doing this even once starts to weaken the illusion of a fixed, solid “me.”

• Reframe your to-do list. Beth suggests that even mundane tasks—emails, chores, commuting—can be opportunities to practice. Try approaching one of these tasks with generosity, patience, or integrity, and notice how that shifts your experience.

• Clock your "me, mine, and my" moments. Notice when you’re clinging—my time, my opinion, my stuff. Then try loosening the grip, just a little. It can feel surprisingly freeing.

Listen to today’s episode of 10% Happier, in which Beth will help you get over your selves.

We also dig into the Buddhist concept of kusala, which refers to wholesome states of mind—like mindfulness, generosity, and integrity. Beth shares a practical recipe for what she calls a “Buddhist happiness cake,” made up of these ingredients.

Paid subscribers also get a new guided meditation on cultivating gratitude—another kusala quality that helps loosen the grip of “me and mine.” It’s designed to pair with today’s episode and comes from our meditation teacher of the month, Dawn Mauricio.

Paid subscribers get the 10% Happier podcast ad-free, as well as:

• A cheatsheet for each episode — with key takeaways, time-coded highlights, and a transcript

• The ability to comment on posts and participate in subscriber chats

• Access to our twice-monthly live video sessions, in which I guide a meditation and take questions

• Tailor-made meditations every Monday and Wednesday, led by our meditation teacher of the month and designed to pair with the podcast episodes

Episode cheatsheet

The big takeaway

Former Buddhist nun Beth Upton joins Dan for a deep dive into how reflecting on reincarnation—not as dogma, but as a framework—can help loosen our attachment to ego, identity, and control. She also introduces kusala, the Buddhist term for wholesome, skillful mind states, and shares how anyone can use simple, everyday actions to cultivate greater happiness and mental clarity.

The recipe for happiness: unpacking kusala

Key takeaways:

Kusala states = happy states:
Kusala, drawn from the Buddhist Abhidhamma—a system that breaks down experience into its most granular mental and emotional components—refers to a constellation of virtuous, skillful mind states. Beth calls it a “Buddhist happiness cake,” made from ingredients like generosity, mindfulness, uprightness, loving-kindness, and more.

One entry point unlocks the rest:
You don’t need to cultivate them all at once—focusing on just one quality (like kindness, integrity, or gratitude) invites the rest to arise. These mental “best friends” tend to show up together.

Letting go feels better than giving in:
Our culture glorifies small, fast pleasures—scrolling, snacking, checking out—but deeper, more lasting happiness comes from subtle, wholesome states. Letting go of ego and craving isn’t a sacrifice; it’s a relief.

It’s not just for monks:
You don’t need a cave or a cushion. Kusala can be woven into daily life—while parenting, commuting, chopping vegetables, or writing emails.

6 ways to bring more kusala into your daily life