How do you tell if someone is a narcissist or just an asshole?

Let’s get educated about an overused term

It’s largely great that more people are embracing therapy these days. However, one downside of this cultural shift is that therapy-speak is being increasingly misused, even weaponized.

A great example is how often we casually diagnose people as narcissists when actually they’re just being assholes.

Here’s how to tell the difference:

A true narcissist is quite rare, clinically speaking. It’s someone who lacks empathy, manipulates others to maintain a sense of superiority, and has a fragile ego that can lead them to lash out if criticized.

By contrast, an asshole is someone who is self-centered and inconsiderate. Sadly, assholes are quite common. (I’ve been one on many occasions—have you?) The good news is that an asshole can still feel guilt, accept feedback, and even change.

Today on the pod, clinical psychologist Dr. Isabelle Morley talks about: how not to misuse therapy terms; what to do when people weaponize these terms against you; and how to generally get along better with people.

For paid subscribers, the episode comes with a custom guided meditation from November Teacher of the Month Christiane Wolf called “How To Actually Hear The People In Your Life.”

Also out this week: my new episode with the playwright Sarah Ruhl, who talks about how to stay open and curious even when you’re exhausted or annoyed. There’s a guided meditation for this episode, too, called “Beginner’s Mind.”

As a reminder, episode cheatsheets and transcripts can be found in the episode posts linked above.

Tomorrow (Tuesday, Nov. 4), I’ll go live at 4:00 p.m. ET for a guided meditation and Q&A sesh for paid subscribers. This will be the first time we do our weekly live meditation and Q&A on Zoom. There’s a link beneath the paywall below. You can drop questions for me now in the chat.

One last thing: if you want to meditate with me IRL, come to a live taping of my pod on November 18th in NYC. My guest is comedian Pete Holmes. Grab your tickets here.

Paid subscribers get the 10% Happier podcast ad-free, as well as:

• A cheatsheet for each episode — with key takeaways, time-coded highlights, and a transcript

• The ability to comment on posts and participate in subscriber chats

• Access to our weekly live video sessions, in which I and/or our meditation Teacher of the Month guide a meditation and take questions

• Tailor-made meditations every Monday and Wednesday, led by our meditation Teacher of the Month and designed to pair with the podcast episodes

Join the party.

Join Us Live on Zoom

Starting tomorrow, Nov. 4, our weekly Live Meditation and Q&A for paid subscribers is moving to Zoom!