How not to be owned by your emotions

4 simple steps to sanity

All day long, we’re buffeted by emotions. One moment we’re happy, the next we're pissed. Five minutes later, we’re in the grip of anxiety, self-judgment, or desire. Five minutes after that, we’re numbing out on Netflix. As my meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein likes to say, we’re like bees in a jar, mindlessly bouncing from one mind state to the next. You can spend your whole life like this.

So how do you stop getting yanked around? Here’s a four-step process that’s both easy to remember and eminently portable.

It comes from the meditation teacher Caverly Morgan, who calls it SNAP:

• S — See it. Start by noticing what’s happening. Racing thoughts? Tight jaw? Old storylines firing up? Just clock it.

• N — Name it. Give the experience a label. “Anxiety.” “Self-judgment.” “Planning spiral.” Naming helps create a little space between you and the mental movie.

• A — Allow it. This one’s counterintuitive. Instead of trying to shove the experience away, see what happens when you let it be there. (Important note: allowing ≠ liking.)

• P — Return to presence. Not in a strained, white-knuckled way. Gently shift from identifying with the experience to noticing it. As Caverly puts it, the awareness is already there—you’re just remembering.

For more on how to get grounded when everything around you feels chaotic, check out today’s episode of 10% Happier with Caverly. We dig into the difference between chasing the present moment and resting in it, why remembering awareness can transform your relationship to stress, and how seeing yourself as already whole can open the door to more freedom and ease.

Paid subscribers also get an exclusive companion meditation from our August Teacher of the Month, Kaira Jewel Lingo. Today’s is a short practice to quiet the voice of your inner narrator so you can relax into a calmer, more open state.

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Episode Cheatsheet

The big takeaway

Caverly Morgan, a longtime Zen practitioner and teacher, argues that our biggest source of suffering is identifying with a small, separate self. By learning to notice the awareness that’s always present behind our thoughts and emotions, she says we can stop treating ourselves as works in progress and start living from a sense of wholeness, love, and freedom.

Who am I, really? Unpacking the self, presence, and practical freedom

Key takeaways:

• The illusion of self: Most of us operate from a limited, conditioned sense of “me”—but true freedom begins when we gently question who’s really behind our thoughts and actions.

• Awareness is always present: Instead of getting lost in effortful self-improvement, we can relax into the simple act of being aware, discovering a natural vastness and wholeness that’s already here.

• Contemplative cross-training: Tools from mindfulness, self-compassion, and non-duality aren’t mutually exclusive—they reinforce each other, giving us a broader toolkit for emotional resilience.

• Love is our true nature: Beyond personal practices, recognizing ourselves as love or presence opens up more compassion, better relationships, and a sense of unity with those around us.

5 practical ways to ground presence and awareness in everyday life: