How to be less neurotic

An earworm to combat overthinking

I can’t tell you how much time I’ve wasted worrying about shit I can’t control.

I still do it. But there are a few little mantras that have helped me do less of it—to instead wake up and recognize that my worrying has reached the point of complete disutility.

Today we’re going to talk about an expression I first heard from the political strategist David Axelrod. He dropped this little wisdom bomb in the middle of an off-the-record meeting with me and some of my colleagues at ABC News, back when he was running Barack Obama‘s reelection campaign. (I later went back and asked for his permission to quote him.)

When asked by my boss how the campaign team managed the sheer volume of variables and imponderables they were facing, Axelrod said:

“All we can do is everything we can do.”

I love this. It speaks to the Buddhist notion of “non-attachment to results.” We can work as hard as we want on any given project—from career to parenting to public service—but in the end, the results are out of our control, given that we live in an entropic universe.

So next time you’re freaking out, try to remember: all you can do is everything you can do. I suspect the advice will work whatever your political leanings.

I talk about this mantra with my podcast guest today, The Atlantic writer Olga Khazan, who has just authored a book about evidence-based ways to change your personality traits, including neuroticism.

She offers several practical strategies for reshaping some of the core traits that influence how we move through the world:

• To get more extroverted: Chat with strangers (you can start small—say hi to your barista or talk about the weather with a neighbor). These micro-interactions can boost your mood and lower social resistance. When possible, say yes to invites—even when your first instinct is to bail.

• To become more conscientious: Use “episodic future thinking”—a technique where you vividly picture how it’ll feel to finish the task. Connecting to that future state helps make boring tasks feel more doable now.

• To reduce neuroticism: Instead of spiraling over everything that could go wrong, bring your focus to what you can control. Make a list, take one manageable step, then give yourself permission to stop. Action, not overthinking, is what moves the needle.

• To build deeper friendships: Consistency matters more than intensity. Rather than chasing big, one-time hangouts, commit to a recurring group or activity—something that puts you in regular contact with the same people.

Listen to today’s episode of 10% Happier to hear how Olga applied these strategies in real life—what helped her put them into practice and what surprised her along the way.

Paid subscribers also get an exclusive companion meditation from our teacher of the month, Dawn Mauricio. It’s designed to help you work with procrastination by meeting it with curiosity and care—rather than force—and gently reconnecting with your motivation.

Paid subscribers get the 10% Happier podcast ad-free, as well as:

• A cheatsheet for each episode — with key takeaways, time-coded highlights, and a transcript

• The ability to comment on posts and participate in subscriber chats

• Access to our twice-monthly live video sessions, in which I guide a meditation and take questions

• Tailor-made meditations every Monday and Wednesday, led by our meditation teacher of the month and designed to pair with the podcast episodes

Join the party.

Episode cheatsheet

The big takeaway

Journalist Olga Khazan set out to see if she could intentionally change her personality—not just tweak her habits, but shift core traits like introversion and neuroticism. Through scientific research and personal experiments, she found that meaningful personality change is possible with evidence-based strategies. And it doesn’t require a total overhaul—small, consistent steps can lead to lasting transformation.

Remaking yourself: Surprising science on personality change

• You are not stuck with the personality you were born with: Genetics play a role, but there’s lots of room for intentional change through environment and small behavioral tweaks.

• The “Big Five” personality traits—extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism, openness—are all malleable to some degree.

• Small, repeated actions (like joining a group or practicing mindfulness) are more important than massive life overhauls.

• Even making yourself 10% less neurotic, more conscientious, or a bit more extroverted can yield a real lift in happiness, relationships, and career.

6 practical ways to shift your personality (without upending your life):