Is it possible (or safe) to love your enemies?
Hear me out.
Buddhists often exhort us to love our enemies. For many of us, however, this advice scans as appeasement. Images of Neville Chamberlain come to mind. We assume loving our enemies means hurling ourselves at their feet or co-signing on their terrible ideas.
But it’s nothing like that. In fact, loving the difficult people in your life (in your personal orbit and your newsfeed) turns out to be the wisest and most strategic countermove.
Let me be clear: I am absolutely not arguing that you should go soft or become a doormat. I’m arguing that you can take firm—even stern—action without being motivated by hatred or anger. The hatred/anger is an unnecessary and unhelpful add-on. It reduces your effectiveness.
Sure, some anger can be clarifying or energizing; it can get you off the couch. But it can quickly curdle into a constricted state. There’s a reason they call it “blind rage.” By contrast, there’s some scientific evidence that a state of positive emotion or lovingkindness actually increases your peripheral vision.
So that’s what I want for you in these difficult times—the ability to stand up for what you believe in while drawing on the cleanest-burning fuel: love. Love for yourself, love for the people you’re trying to protect, and yes, even love for your enemies.
This week on the pod I talk to the renowned meditation teacher and lovingkindness expert Sharon Salzberg, one of the most effective proponents of this argument in the world. For paid subscribers, the episode comes with a custom guided meditation called “Lovingkindness 101.”
Also out today: my episode with business professor Bidhan Parmar, where we talk about how to stop overthinking and make better decisions. There’s a guided meditation for this episode, too, called “How to Let Thoughts Go.”
Tomorrow, our usual live meditation and Q&A for paid subscribers will look a little different. I’ll be joined by our CEO, Toni Magyar, for a guided meditation followed by a big announcement.
Paid subscribers get the 10% Happier podcast ad-free, as well as:
A cheatsheet for each episode — with key takeaways, time-coded highlights, and a transcript
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Tailor-made meditations every Monday and Wednesday, led by our meditation Teacher of the Month and designed to pair with the podcast episodes
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Our next weekly Live Meditation and Q&A for paid subscribers is Tuesday, Dec. 16 at 4:00 p.m. ET.
You can join from your browser on your laptop or desktop (no download needed) or download the Zoom app for your device.
Upcoming schedule:
Tuesday, Dec. 16 at 4:00 p.m. ET: Dan – Special Announcement
Tuesday, Dec. 23 at 4:00 p.m. ET: Teacher of the Month Jeff Warren and executive producer DJ Cashmere
Tuesday, Dec. 30: NO LIVE TODAY
Meeting info:
We use the same Zoom link for every live meditation and Q&A, so you can bookmark it or add it to your calendar.