Is there a healthy version of shame?

Per the Buddhists: Yes

I often think of shame as a form of psychic constipation. If you’re so wrapped up in a story about how you’re a terrible person, it’s hard to pull your head out of your ass so you can learn from your mistakes and make changes.

But in Buddhism, there’s a version of shame that’s actually healthy.

Let me introduce you to two ancient Buddhist terms:

• Hiri: often translated as “moral shame.”

• Ottappa: often translated as “moral dread.”

Don’t get hung up on the clunky translations. Here’s another way to think about these terms, from the great meditation teacher JoAnna Hardy:

• Hiri is your inner compass. It’s that instant “ick” when you say or do something that feels off—your conscience kicking in.

• Ottappa is awareness of impact. It’s the healthy embarrassment of realizing how your actions land on others—sometimes framed as, Would I want my teacher, partner, or kid to see me doing this?

Rather than pushing us toward self-loathing, these feelings can serve as quick feedback signals.

As JoAnna puts it, guilt is self-involved, but Hiri and Ottappa are forward-facing: “That didn’t feel good—how do I realign?”

So how do you operationalize this?

Here are three moves from JoAnna:

1. Catch the inner ick. Use your mindfulness to notice when you feel out of alignment with your values.

2. Use the sting as a growth point. Instead of spiraling in guilt, use it as motivation to do things differently next time.

3. Practice forgiveness to reset. JoAnna teaches a three-step reflection. (Her language, though you can tweak it to fit your own mind.)

   1. For harm I caused myself, knowingly or unknowingly—I forgive myself.

   2. For harm I caused others—I ask forgiveness.

   3. For harm caused to me—I offer forgiveness, so I can be free.

The point isn’t to wallow in your mistakes. It’s to let these subtle pangs of healthy shame and embarrassment serve as signals—not verdicts on your worth, but reminders of how you want to be.

For more on working skillfully with shame, guilt, and forgiveness, listen to today’s episode of 10% Happier with JoAnna Hardy.

As always, the episode comes with a companion meditation. This one’s called “On Choosing How to Respond,” and it’s about tuning into your internal compass so you can act in line with your deepest values. It comes from our Teacher of the Month, Sebene Selassie. You can find it and the rest of her meditations on the Meditations page at DanHarris.com.

As a reminder, Sebene, Jeff Warren, Ofosu Jones-Quartey, and I are doing another version of our annual Meditation Party retreat this Oct. 24-26. It’s at the Omega Institute in upstate NY. Think four big sessions of meditation, conversation, and Q&A—with plenty of free time to hike the 240-acre campus, play some pickleball, shoot hoops, or just relax by the lake (yes, they’ve got kayaks). You can also drop into yoga or tai chi classes, and on Saturday night there’s even a dance party (totally optional, I promise). I hope you’ll join us. More info here.

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Episode cheatsheet

The big takeaway

Meditation teacher JoAnna Hardy explores how Buddhism reframes shame and embarrassment—not as signs of brokenness, but as natural feedback from your conscience and awareness of impact. By understanding concepts like Hiri and Ottappa Hardy shows how discomfort can become a path to integrity, self-forgiveness, and wiser action.

Living your values without the finger-wagging: Buddhist ethics & healthy shame

Key takeaways:

• Ethics for happiness, not guilt: In Buddhism, ethical guidelines aren’t about moralizing. They’re designed to make life less stressful and more meaningful by freeing your mind from regret and self-recrimination.

• Sila as self-guidance: Buddhist ethics (sila) invites you to explore broad principles (like not killing or lying) and see how they land for you, rather than just following rules handed down from above.

• The five precepts in real life: “Don’t kill” or “don’t steal” can be interpreted with nuance. The goal is to reflect on your actions’ impact, not aim for rigid perfection.

• Healthy shame & healthy embarrassment: The Pali concepts of hiri and ottapa (aka “healthy shame” and “healthy embarrassment”) encourage tuning into your inner ick, learning from mistakes, and course-correcting without spiraling into self-blame.

6 practical tips for living ethically (the Buddhist way):