Longevity science—without the fear or bullshit

Four strategies for aging well (including a lesson from my mom)

When my Uncle Peter turned 60, he was asked how he felt. His response: “Off the hook.”

I love that story. It captures two of the good things that can happen as we get older: we take ourselves less seriously, and we care less about what other people think. In other words, we have fewer fucks to give.

More good news: turns out, your genetics are not your destiny. There are several things you can do to increase what Dr. Kerry Burnight calls your “joyspan”—the number of years you spend not only healthy but also genuinely happy.

Here are Dr. Burnight’s four core strategies for aging well:

1. Grow: Keep learning, stay curious, and do hard things on purpose. You don’t grow by being great at everything—you grow by being willing to suck at new things and laugh about it. My mom is an example of this. She lives in an assisted living facility where she attends every single enrichment activity, asks questions, and makes jokes.

2. Connect: Research shows the single biggest predictor of long-term happiness and health isn’t diet or exercise—it’s relationships. And not just the deep ones—the small, everyday connections matter too. So text your friend. Talk to your barista. Be that person who says hello to strangers. (Or be like my mom, who is essentially the mayor of her little community.)

3. Adapt: Life will throw you curveballs—illness, loss, change. You can’t control that part. What you can train is your response. Burnight suggests building your “coping strategies toolbox” now: journaling, meditation, gratitude, and reaching out for help when you need it.

4. Give: Purpose is medicine. Burnight recommends asking “How can I help?”— and then actually following through. It can boost your mood, your immune system, and maybe even your lifespan. Generosity isn’t just selfless, it’s also self-care.

I’ll close with even more good news: working on this stuff doesn’t just lengthen your life; it improves it right now, no matter your age. You can pull forward the benefits of aging—including increased wisdom and decreased perfectionism—whether you’re 25 or 75.

We cover all of this (and plenty more that’ll make you less scared about getting older) on the pod today.

For paid subscribers, the episode comes with a custom guided meditation called “An Antidote to Perfectionism.”

Also out this week: an episode with author Soren Gordhamer, who has tons of tools for navigating technology without losing your mind. There’s a guided meditation for this episode, too, called “Dropping Below Your Thoughts.”

Join us tomorrow at 4 p.m. ET for a live meditation and Q&A with Teacher of the Month Christiane Wolf on Zoom, for paid subscribers. Drop your questions for her now in the chat. Meeting link beneath the paywall below.

One last thing: if you want to meditate with me IRL, I’ve got two events coming up. I’m doing a live taping of my pod tomorrow, November 18th in NYC. My guest is comedian Pete Holmes. Grab your tickets here. Then, on November 23rd, I’m doing an intimate meditation and Q&A sesh at Troutbeck, a nice little hotel in the Hudson Valley. Tickets here.

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Join us live on Zoom

Our next weekly Live Meditation and Q&A for paid subscribers is tomorrow, Nov. 18 at 4:00 p.m. ET with Teacher of the Month Christiane Wolf and executive producer DJ Cashmere. Drop your questions for them now in the chat.

You can join from your browser on your laptop or desktop (no download needed) or download the Zoom app for your device.

Upcoming schedule:

• Tuesday, Nov. 18 at 4:00 p.m. ET: November Teacher of the Month Christiane Wolf with executive producer DJ Cashmere

• Tuesday, Nov. 25 at 4:00 p.m. ET: Dan with November Teacher of the Month Christiane Wolf

• Tuesday, Dec. 2 at 4:00 p.m. ET: Dan with December Teacher of the Month Jeff Warren

Meeting info: