Never worry alone

Advice that legit changed my life

I both gather and give advice for a living, and this is one of the best tips I have ever heard:

Never worry alone.

I first heard this phrase from Dr. Robert Waldinger, who runs the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which is one of the longest-running studies in the history of science. Since 1938, researchers have been following several generations of families in the Boston area, with the goal of discovering what leads to a healthy and happy life. What they have found is that the number one variable that makes the most difference is not sleep, exercise, diet, or even genetics—it’s the quality of a person’s relationships.

Why? Unmanaged stress can be deadly, and close relationships can help regulate stress. Per Waldinger, “Friends diminish our perception of hardship, making us perceive adverse events as less stressful than we might otherwise see them.”

This is a huge deal. A separate study found that when people are administered electric shocks, the areas of the brain associated with fear and pain were less activated if the person was holding the hand of a loved one.

The problem? Pretty much everything about our individualistic culture militates against social contact.

The solution? What Waldinger calls “social fitness.” As best you can, try to prioritize your social life the same way you do your mental and physical fitness. Schedule time with friends and family. Stretch yourself and regularly share both your gratitude and your anxieties with loved ones. And maybe, instead of feeling bad if you skip the gym to have lunch with a friend, reframe it as a positive benefit for your overall health.

In the era of optimization, this is the thing to optimize.

Dr. Waldinger is on the pod today with a bevy of practical suggestions on how to up your social game.

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Episode cheatsheet

The big takeaway

Dr. Robert Waldinger shares insights from decades at the helm of the world’s longest scientific study of happiness. The main lesson: Warm, active relationships—not wealth, fame, or constant achievement—are the single strongest predictor of both long-term health and true happiness. And while the lesson is simple, acting on it takes intention—especially in a culture that often sidelines connection for productivity and shiny distractions.