Next time you’re stressed, ask yourself this question
Next time you’re stressed, ask yourself this question
A pithy teaching from a psychology legend
Stress is a psychological phenomenon that can have profound physiological ramifications. Left unchecked, it can be a killer.
The good news is there are all sorts of ways to manage stress. Today, I’m sharing what I find to be a brilliant reframing question that you can drop into your mind when you’re stressed. I got this from the legendary Harvard psychology professor, Dr. Ellen Langer.
Next time you're stressed, ask yourself: Is this a tragedy—or an inconvenience?
In my case, the things that are stressing me out are almost never tragedies. Creative blocks. A work conflict. A toothache. They’re all inconveniences, but when the history of the world is written, these dramas will not be included.
Per Dr. Langer, this question—tragedy or inconvenience?—can calm you down, which both reduces the physiological damage from stress and also helps you more effectively handle whatever problem you’re facing.
Of course, sometimes your problems are genuine tragedies. In which case, learning how to not sweat the smaller stuff might help you husband your resources for when you really need them.
I’ve opened up a chat thread to discuss this episode. Look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Below, paid subscribers get a cheatsheet of the episode with a list of key takeaways, time-coded highlights, and a full transcript. If you sign up, you’ll also get access to the chat, ability to comment on this and other posts, monthly live-streamed AMAs, and more.
Episode cheatsheet
The Big Takeaway
Dr. Ellen Langer says that our minds have far more control over our health and aging than most people realize. By cultivating mindfulness through actively noticing new things, we can significantly impact our physical wellbeing and challenge limiting beliefs about aging.
Mind over matter
Mind-Body Unity: It's not just a connection, it's one integrated system. Where you put your mind, your body follows.
Placebo Power: Placebos demonstrate the mind's ability to influence physical health, even without "real" medicine.
Perception Shapes Reality: How we think about our activities (like exercise) can change their physical impact on our bodies.
Age is Just a Number: Our beliefs about aging can become self-fulfilling prophecies. Challenge age-related assumptions!
Practical tips for mindful living
Notice New Things: Actively look for novelty in familiar situations to stay present and engaged.
Question Assumptions: Ask "Who says so?" about rules and norms you take for granted.
Embrace Uncertainty: Being confident but uncertain allows for growth and new perspectives.
Reframe "Failures": See challenges as opportunities for learning rather than personal shortcomings.
Cultivate Diverse Relationships: Spend time with people of various ages to shift your perspective on your own age.
Teach and Learn Conditionally: Recognize that most "facts" are context-dependent, not absolute truths.
Mindfulness, as defined by Langer, is not about meditation but about actively noticing new things. This simple practice can lead to improved health, better relationships, and a more fulfilling life by challenging our assumptions and keeping us engaged with the world around us.
Quote to ponder:
"Wherever you're putting the mind, you're necessarily putting the body. So when you put the mind in a healthy place, so, too, will the body be there."
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Episode timestamps:
00:00 - Introduction and overview of the episode
02:16 - Ellen Langer introduces the concept of mind-body unity
10:02 - Discussion on the difference between Langer's work and "power of positive thinking"
21:10 - Explanation of stress and its impact on health
36:44 - Talking about the famous "counterclockwise" study
45:03 - Discussion on aging and challenging age-related assumptions
58:33 - Exploring the concept of a "mindful utopia"
1:05:52 - Wrap-up and book recommendations
Links:
EllenLanger.com - Official website
The Mindful Body: Thinking Our Way to Chronic Health by Ellen Langer
I listened to the podcast with Ellen Langer twice and in the end found myself quite annoyed with her. She is basically saying, take a stance of ‘don’t know mind’ and then proceeds to ‘know’ about meditation and poo-poo’s it, isn’t curious and acts like the expert. Where’s her don’t know mind? I was surprised you didn’t challenge her more and I’m sure you have your reasons.
All that said, I have renewed enthusiasm for ‘don’t know mind’ myself and it is a joyful practice.
This email just saved me. I was at the airport heading on a work trip and discovered my laptop did not charge last night. Tried several outlets at the airport and found something is wrong and I can’t get power at all. Went into panic mode thinking about all I have to do. Read today’s email on the plane and applied the tragedy or inconvenience suggestion. It’s a HUGE inconvenience but not a tragedy. I can now breath. Thank you