Regulate your nervous system with these strategies from Elizabeth Gilbert

Tips for craving, compulsion, and self-sabotage

I have a sensitive nervous system. My friends and family have described me as everything from “fragile” to “frail” to terms that I won’t repeat here because I don’t want to get canceled.

You know who else has a delicate nervous system? Elizabeth Gilbert, the novelist, memoirist, Substacker, and self-described sex/love addict in recovery. (Perhaps best known as the author of Eat, Pray, Love.)

Here are five of her key strategies that help her keep her shit together. Treat this as a menu, not a mandate—take what might be useful and leave the rest.

• Remember discovery ≠ recovery. Understanding your problems doesn’t automatically fix them. Insight is useful, but Liz says only consistent practices—like meditation, writing, and service—broke her destructive cycles.

• Write yourself a memo every morning. Liz practices what she calls “two-way prayer.” She writes, Dear God, what would you have me know today? Then she lets the wisest voice inside her answer. If “God” doesn’t work for you, no problem—as Liz notes, you can just treat it as a way to hear from your kinder, wiser self.

• Soothe, don’t scold. When she feels the urge to act out old patterns, Liz talks to herself with self-compassion instead of self-condemnation: “I know why you want that. You’re not in trouble for wanting that.” This gentle approach defuses shame, making it easier to ride out the craving without acting on it.

• Choose service over people-pleasing. There’s a difference between manipulative helping (“I’ll do this so you’ll like me”) and true service (helping with no strings attached). Liz says genuine service calms her nervous system and keeps her grounded in a way approval-seeking never could.

• Find home within. For most of her life, Liz tried to turn other people into her “home”—a source of safety, stability, and belonging. It never worked. In recovery, she’s learned that the only reliable refuge is inside. That shift—locating safety within instead of outsourcing it—has changed how she meets craving when it arises.

That last point reminds me of the Buddha’s advice to his followers on his deathbed: “Be an island unto yourself.” It doesn't mean walling yourself off; it means that you can create an internal refuge that gives you the strength to deal with life’s chaos.

For more practical strategies on dealing with craving, compulsion, and self-sabotage, tune into today’s episode of 10% Happier with Elizabeth Gilbert, where we dig deeper into the tools that helped her break her destructive cycles.

Paid subscribers also get a companion meditation from our September Teacher of the Month, Vinny Ferraro. This one’s called “Soften Your Grip” and is designed to help you change your relationship to craving, so it doesn’t control you.

Vinny is next going live on Tuesday, Sept. 16, at 4:00 p.m. ET with our executive producer, DJ Cashmere, for a guided meditation and Q&A exclusively for paid subscribers. Hope to see you there.

Sunday, Sept. 21 from 1-5 p.m. ET, join me and Leslie Booker at the New York Insight Meditation Center in NYC as we lead a workshop titled, “Heavily Meditated – The Dharma of Depression + Anxiety.” This event is both in-person and online. Sign up here.

Finally: Jeff Warren, Sebene Selassie, Ofosu Jones-Quartey, and I are doing another version of our annual Meditation Party retreat this Oct. 24-26. It’s at the Omega Institute in upstate NY. You should come. You can sign up here.

Paid subscribers get the 10% Happier podcast ad-free, as well as:

• A cheatsheet for each episode — with key takeaways, time-coded highlights, and a transcript

• The ability to comment on posts and participate in subscriber chats

• Access to our weekly live video sessions, in which I and/or our meditation Teacher of the Month guide a meditation and take questions

• Tailor-made meditations every Monday and Wednesday, led by our meditation Teacher of the Month and designed to pair with the podcast episodes

Join the party.

Episode cheatsheet

The big takeaway

Elizabeth Gilbert opens up about her tumultuous love life, struggles with addiction, and journey through grief and recovery following the illness and loss of her partner, Rayya Elias. Her core message: transforming your relationship with yourself—through self-compassion, nervous system regulation, and finding an internal sense of home—can be the foundation for all other healthy relationships.

From self-abandonment to self-compassion: Elizabeth Gilbert's path to Inner Refuge

Key takeaways

• Recovery requires ruthless self-honesty: Liz names her own patterns—love addiction, codependency, compulsive caretaking—as the starting point for change. Pretending or minimizing kept her stuck.

• Regulating the nervous system is the real work: Liz describes this as her full-time job: meditation, breathwork, meetings, and service keep her steady enough to engage with life.

• Home has to be internal: Trying to turn other people into “home” only deepened her cycles. Building an inner refuge through spiritual practice and self-compassion gave her lasting stability.

• Self-compassion breaks destructive loops: Talking to herself with kindness rather than shame (“You’re not in trouble for wanting that”) allowed cravings to pass and made space for creativity, healthier relationships, and integrity.

6 practical tips to break free from self-sabotage and find a sense of inner peace: