The difference between humility and humiliation

A mantra for getting your head out of your ass

What’s your go-to move when someone is pissed at you? Or when you’ve screwed up in some way?

Do you slide into shame and humiliation? I often do. It’s an understandable reflex, but generally not a winning one. 

For me, it’s been extremely helpful to understand the difference between humility and humiliation. The latter makes it all about me. It keeps me with my head up my ass. 

To keep going with the scatological analogies here… I think of shame as a kind of psychic constipation. When I’m stuck in this mode, it’s hard to investigate and learn. 

By contrast, when I’m in a posture of humility, I understand that mistakes are inevitable. I can pull myself out of the toilet vortex of self-recrimination and figure out what I did wrong so that maybe I can do 10% better the next time. 

Next time you mess up, try to ask yourself: Am I humbled or humiliated? It’s not a bad little mantra. 

The pod today was all about how to handle it when someone is pissed at you. Dharma teacher Vinny Ferraro will be in the subscriber chat today and tomorrow, along with my executive producer, DJ Cashmere—come on over to ask them questions or just say hi. Hope to see you there.