What to do when it’s the middle of the night and you can’t sleep

Antidotes for the anguish of tossing and turning

Heads Up: It’s Sleep Week across the 10% Happier cinematic universe. We just dropped 10 new sleep meditations in the 10% app. Also, there will be a sleep-centered live session tomorrow on Zoom with Teacher of the Month Cara Lai, plus podcast episodes featuring some of the world’s leading sleep experts. Sign up now with a 14-day free trial to get all our Sleep Week content.

When I was a kid and couldn’t sleep, I would go complain to my father, who was a big jokester. He would chuckle and then advise me to bend over and run as fast as I could into the wall.

This email will contain vastly more useful advice.

We’ve all been there, even if we’re generally good sleepers. Those anguished nights when we’re tossing and turning, unable to sleep. Then come all of the phantasmagoric projections about how horrible the next day is gonna be. Which only makes sleep more elusive. There’s even a term for this, orthosomnia, which is when you worry so much about your sleep that it keeps you awake.

Here are some evidence-based strategies for handling this special hell. (Plus, below, some bonus suggestions for getting more rest, generally.)

• If you’re caught in an anxiety spiral, write it out. If you lie awake agonizing about the fact that you aren’t asleep, the first rule is to get out of bed so you stop teaching your brain that your mattress is a place for panic. Grab a notebook and offload every nagging worry until your mind runs dry. Or list a few concrete things you’re genuinely grateful for, which shifts your brain from threat mode into a sense of safety. The worry dump helps clear your mind; the gratitude list refills it with something more conducive to rest.

• Accept it. Tell yourself something like this: Rest is still useful even if I don’t get sleep. Which is true. And moreover, when you stop trying, performance anxiety drops and sleep often arrives on its own.

• Choose non-stimulating activities at night. Avoid email, news, or work. If you listen to audio, keep it low stakes. Also, if you get out of bed in the middle of the night, avoid bright light, which suppresses melatonin. And don’t watch the clock, which increases cognitive arousal.

• Be cautious with eating and substances. If you're genuinely hungry closer to bedtime, a small snack is fine, but avoid larger meals. Digestion competes with sleep. And resist alcohol as a nightcap, it tanks sleep quality.

• Keep your wake time fixed. This one’s counterintuitive. After a bad night, the instinct is to sleep in and “catch up.” Don’t. A fixed wake time stabilizes your circadian rhythm and builds sleep pressure for the following night, which is how you actually break the cycle.

As discussed in my recent post about my own insomnia hacks, I also find getting up and doing walking meditation very helpful. Other people find staying in bed and playing an audio meditation helpful. (Hence the slew of sleep meditations we just dropped.)

But there’s a whole other angle here that I want to quickly explore. Too often, we think of rest solely as a nighttime thing. Sara Mednick, a cognitive neuroscientist and a pioneer in nap research I interviewed, argues we need to stop looking at sleep as a silo.

Think of your nervous system as having two modes: a gas pedal (”rev”) and a brake (”restore”). Most of us spend the day flooring the gas and never touching the brake, and then wonder why the car won’t stop at bedtime.

Here are three takeaways from our conversation:

• A nap can be as good as a full night’s sleep – for certain kinds of learning. Sara’s early research found that for perceptual learning – the kind of skill-building where your senses get sharper with practice – a daytime nap delivered the same magnitude of benefit as a full night of sleep. About half the population are natural nappers who get into sleep easily, wake up refreshed, and don’t have nighttime sleep problems as a result, so if that’s you, don’t let the sleep hygiene police talk you out of it.

• Become a “nose breather.” Mouth breathing during sleep is linked to sleep apnea and fragmented rest. Sara is a big fan of training yourself to breathe through your nose, which provides filtered, moist air and synchronizes your heart rate more efficiently. Try using a tiny piece of tape on your lips at night as a gentle reminder to keep the mouth shut. (Safety check: only try this if your nose is clear and you don’t have underlying respiratory issues.) She also notes that side-sleeping makes nose breathing easier, since lying on your back tends to let your mouth fall open.

• Try an inversion pose (aka “legs up the wall”). You can trigger a restorative break while awake by lying on your back with your legs up the wall (familiar to those of you who do yoga), or by otherwise positioning your heart lower than your hips and legs for just a few minutes. This physical shift helps your system switch out of high-alert and into relaxation and recovery.

My conversation with Sara drops in the 10% Happier podcast feed on Wednesday. Also out today is my episode with Mahtab Jafari on the science of supplements: what works, what’s hype, and what could actually harm you. And yes, we cover whether melatonin is a good longterm solution for sleep.

Over on the 10% with Dan Harris app:

Join Teacher of the Month Cara Lai tomorrow (Tuesday, May 12 at 4 p.m. ET) for a special Sleep Week live meditation and Q&A on Zoom. Drop your sleep-related questions for her in the event post on the app here.

Upcoming events in person:

This Sunday, May 17, I’m doing an intimate, interactive event in NYC at 92NY. Small room, live Q&A, and a chance to ask me anything about anxiety, self-criticism, and how to feel less alone. Limited seats. Get tickets here.

Tickets for the next Meditation Party are available here! Jeff Warren, Sebene Selassie, and I are doing another version of our annual retreat this Oct. 16-18. It’s at the Omega Institute in upstate NY. Think four big sessions of meditation, conversation, and Q&A—with plenty of free time to hike the 240-acre campus, play some pickleball, shoot hoops, or just relax by the lake. You can also drop into yoga or tai chi classes, and on Saturday night there’s even a dance party (totally optional, I promise).

Paid subscribers to the new 10% with Dan Harris app get:

• Guided Meditations: A library of guided sessions to help with stress, anxiety, focus, sleep, annoying people, and more.

• Meditation Challenges: Structured programs to deepen your practice with clear goals, daily guidance, and community support.

• Live Meditation and Q&A Sessions: Every week, meditate live with me and some of the best meditation teachers on earth. Ask questions. Get actual answers.

• The 10% Happier Podcast: Subscribers get access to ad-free versions of my pod. Both the new episodes and the entire archive, stretching back almost 10 years.

• Community Connection: Join conversations with thousands of other practitioners who get it. Share your struggles, celebrate wins, get support when you need it.

Join the party.