What to do when Thanksgiving gets political

3 tips from my favorite communication coaches

Given the political climate right now, the odds are reasonably high that you might find yourself embroiled in unpleasant conversations over the holiday. Here are some tools that I have found extremely helpful. They all come from the brilliant communication coaches Dan Clurman and Mudita Nisker.

• Reflect before you react. Reflective listening is, in my experience, a game-changing skill. Here’s how it works: When someone says something to you, repeat it back to them concisely and in your own words. This serves the dual function of allowing people to feel heard and also giving you a circuit-breaker so that you don’t respond reflexively. 

• Plan out difficult conversations. It can often help to go into a big conversation with a pre-prepared script. Spend some time thinking about what you might want to say. It might be as simple as, “I’m not open to discussing this topic. Let’s please move on.”

• Say nothing. Silence is always an option. 

Two other thoughts:

First, it rarely works to try to change someone’s mind. Instead, be curious. Ask questions. I like the idea of aiming for “accurate disagreement.” (NB: This does not require you to abandon your principles.)

Second, while I am strongly in favor of maintaining healthy family relationships, if you genuinely feel that attending Thanksgiving will be psychologically destabilizing, where is it written that you must attend? 

On the pod today, I lay out a holiday survival guide, with evidence-based tips for everything from difficult relatives to overwhelm and overeating. Cheatsheet below, for paying subscribers.