When someone complains to you, don’t do this

Try this brilliant hack instead

One of my favorite moments from the sitcom Parks and Rec comes in season 6, when Ann (Rashida Jones) is super pregnant—and super annoyed with her overeager baby-daddy, Chris (Rob Lowe).

Chris laments to the gang that everything he does to address Ann’s many pregnancy-related woes only seem to make his partner more irritated. That’s when Donna (played by Retta) delivers some killer advice: instead of trying to fix things, just say, “That sucks.”

And it works. Both for Chris, on the show—and for me, in real life. Yes, I’ve stolen this nugget of wisdom from a primetime sitcom and used it in my everyday life. To great effect, in fact.

So many of us, myself included, have the instinct to fix or soothe when a friend or family member has a problem. But what they really want, at least initially, is to be heard and validated.

The author, podcaster, and Substacker Gretchen Rubin brilliantly captures this reality in her aphorism:

We make people happier by acknowledging that they’re not happy.

Gretchen’s on today’s episode of the podcast, with a tsunami of practical wisdom from her new book of self-coined aphorisms, Secrets of Adulthood. Here’s a taste:

• Choose the bigger life. Stuck at a crossroads? Ask yourself which option feels more expansive—not easier, not safer, but bigger. That’s how Gretchen decided to get a second dog. (She does not regret it.)

• Watch what you lie about (or hide). When we lie about or hide something—how often you exercise, how much TV your kids watch—it might be a sign your actions don’t align with your values. That’s not shameful. It’s useful data.

• Hard work ≠ best work. Grinding doesn’t always equal value. Just because you’re putting in the most hours—or doing the most unpleasant work—doesn’t mean you’re making the biggest contribution. Sometimes the person who breezes in, fixes one thing, and leaves… makes more of an impact than anyone else.

• We know what matters to people when they repeat themselves. If someone keeps bringing up the same story or complaint, they’re not just venting—they’re asking you to acknowledge it. Once they feel heard, they can move on.

Along with today’s episode, paid subscribers get an exclusive companion meditation called “Making Difficult Choices” from our teacher of the month, Kaira Jewel Lingo. It’s designed to help you step out of analysis paralysis and reconnect with what really matters—so your next move is motivated by your values, not your anxiety.

Paid subscribers get the 10% Happier podcast ad-free, as well as:

• A cheatsheet for each episode — with key takeaways, time-coded highlights, and a transcript

• The ability to comment on posts and participate in subscriber chats

• Access to our twice-monthly live video sessions, in which I guide a meditation and take questions

• Tailor-made meditations every Monday and Wednesday, led by our meditation teacher of the month and designed to pair with the podcast episodes

Join the party.

Episode Cheatsheet

The big takeaway

Gretchen Rubin—bestselling author and host of the Happier podcast—joins Dan to talk about the surprising power of short, memorable phrases. She she shares why aphorisms can help us cut through the noise and remember what really matters—especially when we’re stuck in old habits, facing tough decisions, or trying to show up better in our relationships.

Aphorisms for a happier life

Gretchen Rubin makes a case for the power of short, sticky phrases:

• They’re memory tools. Aphorisms act like “earworms”—they pop into your mind at just the right moment and help you act more intentionally.

• They clarify your thinking. Condensing a truth into a sentence or two forces precision—and makes that truth easier to apply.

• They spark insight. Even disagreement with an aphorism can sharpen your perspective.

• They help you remember what matters. The hardest part of self-improvement is remembering to do all the good stuff. Aphorisms solve that.

8 aphorisms to make life a little better: