How I recovered from a bout of anxiety-induced paralysis

3 strategies for building the skill of courage

Heads up: I’m doing an intimate, interactive event in NYC on May 17 at 92NY. Small room, live Q&A, and a chance to ask me anything about anxiety, self-criticism, and how to feel less alone. Limited seats. Get tickets here.

A few weeks ago, I had a particularly gnarly bout of anxiety and depression. My reaction was completely disproportionate to the problem that triggered it. Suffice it to say, it was incredibly uncomfortable, and what’s more, my psychological nosedive prevented me from taking action on the issue in question. I was stuck, floundering.

This is a common problem. Faced with uncertainty and fear, we freeze. We overanalyze, overthink, and ultimately fail to act. So, how do you find the resources to get moving when you feel paralyzed? Harvard Business School professor Ranjay Gulati argues that courage isn’t an inalterable factory setting so much as a trainable skill.

Here are three of his strategies for moving from frozen to functional:

• Act your way into knowing. It’s tempting to wait to act until we have perfect information, but in uncertain times, that’s impossible. Gulati suggests “point-to-point navigation”: break big decisions into small steps where each action is taken specifically to learn more.

• Build a support squad. We often view courage as a solitary, James Bond-style effort, but it is almost always a collective endeavor. Gulati points out that real-life heroes like Mandela, Gandhi, and MLK all relied on an inner circle to provide moral support, information, resources, and feedback.

• Use rituals and checklists to tame fear. When we’re terrified, the emotional part of our brain effectively hijacks our ability to think clearly. To break the spell, Gulati suggests using rituals or tactical checklists to ground yourself in the task at hand. For example, when Captain Sullenberger had to land his plane in the Hudson, he stayed steady by focusing entirely on his pilot’s checklist, rather than letting the terrifying reality of the crisis cloud his judgment. Routines act as a strategic distraction, helping you compartmentalize the fear and normalize the situation so you can actually function.

I did all three of these things to get myself out of my recent rut. I had long chats with my wife and friends. I leaned into my rituals, most notably meditation and exercise. And as I started to feel better, I started breaking the problem into small, actionable steps.

There’s no magical solution here. The problem is still a problem. But instead of living in a fog of woe, I’m moving forward. Which is not only comforting as it relates to my current challenges, but also in terms of how I deal with all the inevitable challenges coming down the pike.

If you want to go deeper on Gulati’s strategies for building courage, check out my new podcast episode.

Also out is my episode with James Patterson and Patrick Leddin. We talk about the one question that can change your life: “Are you living a good life?”, and how to harness change to make sure the answer is yes.

Over on the 10% with Dan Harris app:

Join me and Teacher of the Month Cara Lai tomorrow (Tuesday, May 5 at 4 p.m. ET) for a live meditation and Q&A on Zoom. Drop your questions for us in the event post on the app here.

Upcoming events in person:

As mentioned above, on May 17 come see me at 92NY: tickets here.

Tickets for the next Meditation Party are available here! Jeff Warren, Sebene Selassie, and I are doing another version of our annual retreat this Oct. 16-18. It’s at the Omega Institute in upstate NY. Think four big sessions of meditation, conversation, and Q&A—with plenty of free time to hike the 240-acre campus, play some pickleball, shoot hoops, or just relax by the lake. You can also drop into yoga or tai chi classes, and on Saturday night there’s even a dance party (totally optional, I promise).

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• Guided Meditations: A library of guided sessions to help with stress, anxiety, focus, sleep, annoying people, and more.

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