If you can't be cheesy, you can't be free

My weeklong meditation miniseries starts today at 4PM ET

Here’s something that is true about me: my factory settings are firmly set at “frosty New Englander.”

Here’s something that is true—and phenomenally helpful to know—about human beings in general: we can change our factory settings.

When I first heard about loving-kindness meditation, it triggered my gag reflex. As I’ve said before, it sounded like Valentine’s Day with a gun to your head. Basically, it involves envisioning a series of people (yourself, a close friend, a mentor, a difficult person, etc.) and systematically sending them good vibes, usually in the form of corny phrases such as, May you be happy.

Totally unacceptable, right?

Turns out, there’s a ton of research to suggest that this cheesy practice can have hard-nosed psychological, physiological, and even behavioral benefits. (Preschoolers who are taught loving-kindness meditation are more likely to give their stickers away to kids they don’t like.)

I’m usually skeptical when people say that something has changed their life. But this practice has genuinely changed mine. It has helped me view the uglier aspects of my personality with a little bit more warmth, which has allowed me to be less owned by my demons.

As my inner weather has gotten balmier, my relationships with the people in my life have improved. Which, in turn, improves my own happiness. Which then improves my relationships even further. You get the point.

In my view, this practice can be immensely useful at any time—but especially useful during these divisive and anxious times.

In fact, it is said that the Buddha developed this practice specifically as an antidote to anxiety. Modern neuroscience backs this up: feelings like love and connection tend to activate areas of the brain associated with safety, soothing, and social bonding.

Today at 4PM ET, I’ll be guiding a live loving-kindness meditation for all my subscribers, and then taking your questions.

Today kicks off a full week of programming, which will include live video sessions every afternoon. We’re calling it, “The Buddhist Antidote to Anxiety.” As I've been joking, I’m making the first episode free, the strategy of successful drug dealers everywhere. But if you want to join for the rest of the week, you need to become a paid subscriber.

Whether or not you join, I do encourage you to try loving-kindness meditation. Even if—and perhaps especially if—you’re allergic to it. As a great teacher once said, “If you can’t be cheesy, you can’t be free.”

Aslo—on the pod today, psychologist and author Dr. Ellen Hendriksen on how to beat the idea of perfectionism without lowering your standards. Paid subs can listen ad-free here. It’s also available wherever you get your podcasts, and on YouTube.

In addition to getting the 10% Happier podcast ad-free, paid subs get a cheatsheet for each episode (below, with key takeaways, time-coded highlights, and a transcript), can comment on posts, access subscriber chats, and join our twice-monthly live video sessions, in which I guide a meditation and take questions. Join the party.

Episode cheatsheet

The big takeaway

Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist and self-described perfectionist, unpacks why perfectionism isn’t about chasing flawlessness—it’s about wrestling with a persistent sense of “never enough.”