Two questions that will tell you if your life has meaning
And why your phone might be the reason you can’t answer them
Despite years of meditation, I still struggle to sit still without reaching for a distraction. Red lights are the worst. My hand just… goes to my phone. Not because anything urgent is happening. Because I don’t want to be bored.
As Arthur Brooks argues, this reflex is part of a much bigger problem: a modern “doom loop.” We use our phones the way people use alcohol—not for pleasure, but for relief. Relief from boredom, anxiety, and the low-grade discomfort of being alone with our own minds.
But here’s the trap: The more we distract ourselves from those feelings, the emptier we feel. The big questions of our lives exist within those uncomfortable moments. And if you never let those questions arise, you slowly starve your life of meaning.
To reclaim meaning, Arthur offers a simple two-question exam:
Why am I alive?
What would I be willing to die for?
To answer these questions, you need something modern life is very good at destroying: space. So how do you get it back? Arthur has two suggestions:
Act like a rebel. Think of modern technology as a system designed to hijack your attention for profit. Which means reclaiming your attention isn’t self-help, it’s defiance.
Impose constraints on your tech use. You probably won’t quit your phone, but you can create structure:
No devices for the first and last hour of the day
No phones during meals
Designate tech-free spaces (bedroom, etc.)
Once a year, try a multi-day break (retreat, nature, silence)
Since interviewing Arthur recently, I have gotten much more disciplined about implementing tech-free spaces at the beginning and end of each day, and I have found it to be incredibly helpful.
I’ll leave you with a quick little anecdote. I remember vividly, back around 2007, shortly after I got my first iPhone, I was standing in an airport, waiting for a flight, doing an early version of doom-scrolling. I recall thinking, “I’ll never be bored again.” But it turns out that the cultural achievement of “solving” boredom came at a high cost to the species.
Reacquainting yourself with boredom ain’t easy, but it’s worth it. When you remove constant stimulation, something interesting happens in the brain; your default mode network kicks on. That’s when reflection, integration, and meaning-making occur. In other words: the mind only starts to make sense of your life when you stop interrupting it.
For more on why the modern world makes meaning so hard to find and practical tips to rediscover a deeper purpose, listen to my episode with Arthur Brooks. Arthur’s latest book, The Meaning of Your Life, just hit the shelves. Get your copy now.
Also out is my episode with renowned addiction expert Gabor Maté, who shares five steps to stop scrolling, bingeing, and self-medicating—and reclaim your brain.
Over on the 10% with Dan Harris app:
Join me and Teacher of the Month Susa Talan for a live meditation and Q&A tomorrow (Tuesday, April 7 at 4 p.m. ET) on Zoom. Drop your questions for us in the event post on the app here.
Upcoming events in person:
On May 17, join me for a conversation with Allison Gilbert at 92NY in NYC about how self-awareness and self-compassion can transform not only our inner lives but our relationships. Get tickets here.
Tickets for the next Meditation Party are available here! Jeff Warren, Sebene Selassie, and I are doing another version of our annual retreat this Oct. 16-18. It’s at the Omega Institute in upstate NY. Think four big sessions of meditation, conversation, and Q&A—with plenty of free time to hike the 240-acre campus, play some pickleball, shoot hoops, or just relax by the lake. You can also drop into yoga or tai chi classes, and on Saturday night there’s even a dance party (totally optional, I promise).
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Join the party.
The two questions are right, but they require something most people can’t tolerate:
sitting with the discomfort long enough for the questions to actually surface.
From the behavioral side, the doom loop isn’t just phone use, it’s System 1 running interference on System 2. Your hand reaching for the phone at red lights is automatic avoidance of the exact mental state where reflection happens. The default mode network only kicks in when you stop hijacking it with dopamine micro-hits.
The “act like a rebel” frame is useful because it reframes constraint as resistance instead of deprivation.
You’re not giving up convenience, you’re refusing to let extraction algorithms monetize your attention.
But here’s the harder part: even with tech-free space, most people will fill it with other distractions. Podcasts, books, cleaning, reorganizing…anything to avoid the two questions because answering them honestly means confronting how much of your life doesn’t align with the answers.
“Why am I alive?” and “What would I be willing to die for?” aren’t comfortable questions. They demand you acknowledge what you’re currently doing with your finite existence and whether it actually matters.
The boredom you’re describing isn’t the problem, it’s the gateway.
The 2007 iPhone moment—“I’ll never be bored again”was prophetic. We solved boredom and lost meaning.
Turns out they were connected.
Appreciate this piece. Back to sitting with discomfort.
—Johan
Former FSO, behavioral economist
Been staring at the back of the headrest on transatlantic flights for 10 hours at a time before it was cool
Dan - Nice to see you are getting your Mojo back. We’ve missed you. These questions and tips make sense. I limit my app subscriptions to 2-3. There was a time when I gladly paid for 10% Happier. It offered good information and provided value. Then, it got confusing, Dan separating from the App that made him famous. Substack - what is this? Stories of a kid and his cat and entertainment suggestions. No thank you - Subscription cancelled. Emails continued. Competition sky rocketed. Time will tell if you can break through the noise and capture your lost audience again. Sorry that this happened. I’m sure there is a lesson involved. I’ll continue to watch and hope you can regain your position to encourage re-subscription. If you are curious - my paid app subscriptions are Insight Timer, Sunday Paper by Maria Shriver. I get Calm for free from my insurance company.