The two questions are right, but they require something most people can’t tolerate:
sitting with the discomfort long enough for the questions to actually surface.
From the behavioral side, the doom loop isn’t just phone use, it’s System 1 running interference on System 2. Your hand reaching for the phone at red lights is automatic avoidance of the exact mental state where reflection happens. The default mode network only kicks in when you stop hijacking it with dopamine micro-hits.
The “act like a rebel” frame is useful because it reframes constraint as resistance instead of deprivation.
You’re not giving up convenience, you’re refusing to let extraction algorithms monetize your attention.
But here’s the harder part: even with tech-free space, most people will fill it with other distractions. Podcasts, books, cleaning, reorganizing…anything to avoid the two questions because answering them honestly means confronting how much of your life doesn’t align with the answers.
“Why am I alive?” and “What would I be willing to die for?” aren’t comfortable questions. They demand you acknowledge what you’re currently doing with your finite existence and whether it actually matters.
The boredom you’re describing isn’t the problem, it’s the gateway.
The 2007 iPhone moment—“I’ll never be bored again”was prophetic. We solved boredom and lost meaning.
Turns out they were connected.
Appreciate this piece. Back to sitting with discomfort.
—Johan
Former FSO, behavioral economist
Been staring at the back of the headrest on transatlantic flights for 10 hours at a time before it was cool
When I opened my restaurant in 1991, four men came in and three of them had phones as big as a shoe! I looked at this table and realized that this was the future and it wasn’t pretty. I immediately changed the policy that day that said ‘Ina’s is cell phone free’. And it was until I closed the restaurant in 2013. it was clear to me that I was going to the trouble of making nourishing food that deserved a nurturing environment.
I even have a story about refusing to seat the Governor until he got off his phone at the front door!
Dan, this is excellent. You name something many people feel but rarely articulate: distraction is not just noisy, it is spiritually impoverishing. Your clarity about silence, inner space, and the courage to face the big questions is both humane and incisive. This piece respects the reader enough to invite depth, not just better habits.
Dan - Nice to see you are getting your Mojo back. We’ve missed you. These questions and tips make sense. I limit my app subscriptions to 2-3. There was a time when I gladly paid for 10% Happier. It offered good information and provided value. Then, it got confusing, Dan separating from the App that made him famous. Substack - what is this? Stories of a kid and his cat and entertainment suggestions. No thank you - Subscription cancelled. Emails continued. Competition sky rocketed. Time will tell if you can break through the noise and capture your lost audience again. Sorry that this happened. I’m sure there is a lesson involved. I’ll continue to watch and hope you can regain your position to encourage re-subscription. If you are curious - my paid app subscriptions are Insight Timer, Sunday Paper by Maria Shriver. I get Calm for free from my insurance company.
I couldn't agree more with this, especially the analysis of the phone and the doom loop.
I learned to meditate in large part because I couldn't control my phone use.
The process has convinced me that the standard meditation advice needs to be rethought. The usual advice talks about the possibility of forgetting your meditation object. That now is an absolute certainty for the average beginner. Our minds are whirring far faster than they were ten years ago.
It means meditation is even more beneficial and necessary than it ever was. But it means we need to rethink how the meditation advice relates to our phone-addled minds.
The two questions are right, but they require something most people can’t tolerate:
sitting with the discomfort long enough for the questions to actually surface.
From the behavioral side, the doom loop isn’t just phone use, it’s System 1 running interference on System 2. Your hand reaching for the phone at red lights is automatic avoidance of the exact mental state where reflection happens. The default mode network only kicks in when you stop hijacking it with dopamine micro-hits.
The “act like a rebel” frame is useful because it reframes constraint as resistance instead of deprivation.
You’re not giving up convenience, you’re refusing to let extraction algorithms monetize your attention.
But here’s the harder part: even with tech-free space, most people will fill it with other distractions. Podcasts, books, cleaning, reorganizing…anything to avoid the two questions because answering them honestly means confronting how much of your life doesn’t align with the answers.
“Why am I alive?” and “What would I be willing to die for?” aren’t comfortable questions. They demand you acknowledge what you’re currently doing with your finite existence and whether it actually matters.
The boredom you’re describing isn’t the problem, it’s the gateway.
The 2007 iPhone moment—“I’ll never be bored again”was prophetic. We solved boredom and lost meaning.
Turns out they were connected.
Appreciate this piece. Back to sitting with discomfort.
—Johan
Former FSO, behavioral economist
Been staring at the back of the headrest on transatlantic flights for 10 hours at a time before it was cool
When I opened my restaurant in 1991, four men came in and three of them had phones as big as a shoe! I looked at this table and realized that this was the future and it wasn’t pretty. I immediately changed the policy that day that said ‘Ina’s is cell phone free’. And it was until I closed the restaurant in 2013. it was clear to me that I was going to the trouble of making nourishing food that deserved a nurturing environment.
I even have a story about refusing to seat the Governor until he got off his phone at the front door!
Dan, this is excellent. You name something many people feel but rarely articulate: distraction is not just noisy, it is spiritually impoverishing. Your clarity about silence, inner space, and the courage to face the big questions is both humane and incisive. This piece respects the reader enough to invite depth, not just better habits.
Dan - Nice to see you are getting your Mojo back. We’ve missed you. These questions and tips make sense. I limit my app subscriptions to 2-3. There was a time when I gladly paid for 10% Happier. It offered good information and provided value. Then, it got confusing, Dan separating from the App that made him famous. Substack - what is this? Stories of a kid and his cat and entertainment suggestions. No thank you - Subscription cancelled. Emails continued. Competition sky rocketed. Time will tell if you can break through the noise and capture your lost audience again. Sorry that this happened. I’m sure there is a lesson involved. I’ll continue to watch and hope you can regain your position to encourage re-subscription. If you are curious - my paid app subscriptions are Insight Timer, Sunday Paper by Maria Shriver. I get Calm for free from my insurance company.
I couldn't agree more with this, especially the analysis of the phone and the doom loop.
I learned to meditate in large part because I couldn't control my phone use.
The process has convinced me that the standard meditation advice needs to be rethought. The usual advice talks about the possibility of forgetting your meditation object. That now is an absolute certainty for the average beginner. Our minds are whirring far faster than they were ten years ago.
It means meditation is even more beneficial and necessary than it ever was. But it means we need to rethink how the meditation advice relates to our phone-addled minds.