Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master’s in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. Her book is FAWNING: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find our Way Back.
Episode cheatsheet
The big takeaway
Dr. Ingrid Clayton unpacks the fawn trauma response—why some of us appease, avoid conflict, and lose ourselves in relationships to stay safe. She emphasizes that fawning isn’t just “people pleasing” or “being nice”—it’s often a deeply rooted, unconscious adaptation to insecurity, power imbalances, and past relational wounds. By understanding the physiological and psychological underpinnings of fawning, we can learn to reclaim our agency, set healthier boundaries, and move toward more reciprocal relationships.
“Unfawning”: key takeaways
Fawning is a trauma response—not just a personality trait or a conscious choice. It’s when we appease, caretake, or minimize ourselves to reduce perceived relational threat.
The roots of fawning often stretch back to childhood or power-imbalanced systems, but anyone can slip into it in certain relationships or environments (like at work or with a boss).
Chronic fawning leads to self-abandonment and blocks true intimacy, keeping us hyper-focused on others’ needs and feelings at the expense of our own.
Healing isn’t about never fawning again—it’s about building awareness and flexibility so your survival mode isn’t running your life (or relationships) 24/7.
6 practical tips for “unfawning” and setting healthy boundaries:
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